she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
