ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
