Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
