I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
