you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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