would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize