There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
