East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
