R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
