Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
