dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
