How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
