just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize