all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
