I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
