I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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