I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
