where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize