if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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