I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
