Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize