I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
