Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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