if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
