Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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