my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
