you traded sex for a burrito?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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