I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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