You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have demons in me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
