I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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