The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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