she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
