I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
