I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize