i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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