fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just found a bag of teeth...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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