the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
