PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
