Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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