You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
