Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
