Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
