Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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