if you like me you must not know who I am
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
