I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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