how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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