The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
