They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
