im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He shit in the fireplace
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
