so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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