I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
