Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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