i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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