I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
