Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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