I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
