I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
