Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Threesome in a minivan. New low
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
