we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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