She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
