i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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