I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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