my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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