just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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