i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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