i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
