she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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