...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
please come you make the beer taste better
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
