my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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